Dean Khurana,faculty, parents, and most especially graduating students, thank you so much for inviting me. The Senior Class Committee, it’s genuinely one of the most exciting things I’ve ever been asked to do. I have to admit primarily because I can’t deny it. As it was leaked in the WikiLeaks release of the Sony hack that when I was invited I replied and I directly quote my own email. “Wow! This is so nice! I’m gonna need some funny ghost writers.Any idea?”
This initial response now blessedly public was from the knowledge that at my class day we were lucky enough to have Will Ferrel as class day speaker. And that many of us were hung-over, or even freshly high, mainly wanted to laugh. So I have to admit that today, even 12 years after graduation, I’m still insecure about my own worthiness. I have to remind myself today you’re here for a reason.
Today I feel much like I did when I came to Harvard Yard as a freshman in 1999. When you guys were, to my continued shock and horror, still in kindergarten.I feel like there had been some mistake, that I wasn’t smart enough to be in this company. And that every time I opened my mouth, I would have to prove that I wasn’t just a dumb actress. So I start with an apology. This won’t be very funny. I’m not a comedian. And I didn’t get a ghost writer. But I’m here to tell you today, Harvard is giving you all diplomas tomorrow. You are here for a reason.
Sometimes your insecurities and your inexperience may lead you, too, to embrace other people’s expectations. Standards, or values. But you can harness that inexperience to carve out your own path, one that is free of the burden of knowing how things are supposed to be, a path that is defined by its own particular set of reasons.
The other day I went to an amusement park with my soon-to-be 4-year-old son. And I watched him play arcade games. He was incredibly focused, throwing his ball at the target. Jewish mother that I am, I skipped 20 steps, and was already imagining him as a major league player, with what is his aim and his arm and his concentration. But then I realized what he want. He was playing to trade in his tickets for the crappy plastic toys. The prize was much more exciting than the game to get it. I of course wanted to urge him to take joy and the challenge of the game, the improvement upon practice, the satisfaction of doing something well, and even feeling the accomplishment when achieving the game’s goals. But all of these aspects were shade by the little 10 cent plastic men with sticky stretchy blue arms that adhere to the walls. That was the prize. In a child’s nature, we see many of our own innate tendencies. I saw myself in him and perhaps you do too.
Prizes serve as false idols everywhere. Prestige, wealth, fame, power. You’ll be exposed to many of these, if not all. Of course, part of why I was invited to come to speak today, beyond my being a proud alumna, is that I’ve recruited some very coveted toys in my life, including a not so plastic, not so crappy one, an Oscar. So we bump up against the common troll I think of the commencement address people who have achieved a lot telling you that the fruits of the achievement are not always to be trusted. But I think that contradiction can be reconciled and is in fact instructive.Achievement is wonderful when you know why you’re doing it. And when you don’t know, it can be a terrible trap.
I went to a public high school on Long Island, Syosset High School. Ooh, hello, Syosset! The girls I went to school with had Prada bags and flat-ironed hair.And they spoke with an accent, I who had moved there at age 9 from Connecticut mimicked to fit in. Florida, Oranges, Chocolate, Cherries. Since I’m ancient and the Internet was just starting when I was in high school. People didn’t really pay that much of attention to the fact that I was an actress. I was known mainly at school for having a back pack bigger than I was, and always having white-out on my hands.Because I hated seeing anything crossed out in my note looks. I was voted for my senior yearbook I most likely to be an contestant on Jeopardy, or code for nerdiest.
When I got to Harvard just after the release of Star Wars: Episode 1. I knew I would be starting over in terms of how people viewed me. I feared people would have assumed I’d gotten in just for being famous, and that they would think that I was not worthy of the intellectual rigor here. And it would not have been far from the truth. When I came here I had never written a 10-page paper before. I’m not even sure I’ve written a 5-page paper. I was alarmed and intimidated by the calm eyes of a fellow student, who came here from Dalton or Exeter who thought that compared to high school the workload here was easy. I was completely overwhelmed, and thought that reading 1000 pages a week was unimaginable, that writing a 50-page thesis is just something I could never do. I had no idea how to declare my intentions. Icouldn’t even articulate them to myself.
I know a famous violinist who told me that he can’t compose because he knows too many pieces. So when he starts thinking of the note, an existing piece immediately comes to mind. Just starting out one of your biggest strengths is not knowing how things are supposed to be. You can compose freely because your mind isn’t cluttered with too many pieces. And you don’t take for granted the way how things are. The only way you know how to do things is your own way. You have will all go on to achieve great things. There is no doubt almost that. Each time you set out to do something new, your inexperience can either lead you down a path where you will conform to someone else’s values, even though you don’t realize that’s what you’re doing. If your reasons are you own, your path, even if it’s a strange and clumsy path, will be wholly yours. And you will control the rewards of that you do by making your internal life fulfilling.
At the risk of sounding like a Miss America contestant, the most fulfilling things I’ve experienced have truly been the human interactions: spending time with women in village banks in Mexico with FINCA microfinance organization, meeting young women who were the first and the only in their communities to attend secondary schools in rural Kenya with Free the Children group that built sustainable schools in developing countries tracking with gorilla conservationists in Rwanda. It’s a cliche, because it’s true, that helping others ends up helping your more than anyone. Getting out of your own concerns and caring about some else’s life for a while, reminds you that you are not the center of the universe. And that in the ways we’re generous or not, we can change the course of someone’s life. Even at work, the small feat of kindness crew member, directors, fellow actors have shown me have had the most lasting impact.
And of course, first and foremost, the center of my world is the love that I share my family and friends. I wish for you that your friends will be with you through it all as my friends from Harvard have been together since we graduated. My friends from school are still very close. We have nursed each other through heartaches and danced at each others’ weddings. We’ve held each other at funerals and rocked each other’s new babies. We worked together on projects helped each other get jobs and thrown parties for when we’ve quit bad ones. And now our children are creating a second generation of friendship as we look at them toddling together. Haggard and disheveled working parents that we are.Grab the good people around you and don’t let them go. The biggest asset this school offers you is a group of peers that will both be your family and your school for life.
I remember always being pissed at the spring here in Cambridge.Tricking us into remembering a sunny yard full of laughing frisbee throwers. After 8 months of dark freezing library dwelling. It was like the school has managed to turn on the good weather as a last memory we should keep in mind that would make us want to come back. But as I get farther away from my years here I know that the power of this school is much deeper than weather control. It changed the very question that I was asking to quote one of my favourite thinkers Abraham Joshua Heschel: To be or not to be is not the question, the vital question is how to be and how not to be.
Thank you. I can’t wait to see how you do all the beautiful things you will do.
At the age of 18,I’d already been acting for 7 years, and assumed I find a more serious and profound path in college. So freshman fall I decided to take neurobiology, and advanced modern Hebrew literature, because I was serious and intellectual. Needless to say, I should have failed both. I got Bs,for you information, and to this day, every Sunday I burn a small effigy to the pagan Gods of grade inflation.
But as I was fighting my way through Aleph Bet Yod Y’d shua in Hebrew, and the different mechanisms of neuro-response, I saw friends around me writing papers on sailing, and pop culture magazines, and professors teaching classes on fairly tales and The Matrix. I realized that seriousness for seriousness’s sake was its own kind of trophy, and a dubious one, a pose I sought to counter some half-imagined argument about who I was. There was a reason that I was an actor. I love what I do. And I saw from my peers and my mentors that it was not only an acceptable reason, it was the best reason.
When I got to my graduation, sitting where you sit today after 4 years of trying to get excited about something else. I admitted to myself that I couldn’t wait to go back and make more films. I wanted to tell stories, to imagine the lives of others. I have found or perhaps reclaimed my reason. You have prize now, or at least you will tomorrow. The prize is a Harvard degree in your hand. But what is your reason behind it?
My Harvard degree represents for me, the curiosity and invention that were encouraged here, the friendships I’ve sustained, the way Professor Graham told me not to describe the way light hit a flower, but rather the shadow the flower cast, the way Professor Scarry talked about theatre is a transformative religious force, how Professor Coslin showed how much our visual cortex is activated just by imagining. Now granted these things don’t necessarity help me answer the most common question I’m asked: What designer are you wearing? What’s your fitness regime? Any make up tips? But I have never since been embarrassed to myself as what I might previously have thought was stupid question. My Harvard degree and other awards are emblems of the experiences which led me to them. The wood paneled lecture halls, the colorful fall leaves, the hot vanilla Toscaninis, reading great novels in overstuffed library chairs, running through dining halls screaming: Ooh! Ah! City steps!City steps!City steps!City steps!
It’s easy now to romanticize my time here. But I had some very difficult times here to. Some combination of being 19, dealing with my first heartbreak, taking birth control pills that have since been taken off the market for their depressive side effects, and spending too much time missing day light during winter months, led me to some pretty dark moments. Particularly during sophomore year, there were several occasions where I started crying in meetings with professors. Overwhelmed with what I was supposed to pull off. When I could barely get myself out of bed in the morning.Moment when I took on the motto for my school work. Done. Not good.If only I could finish my work, even if it took eating a jumbo pack of sour Patch Kids to get me through a single 10-page paper. I felt that I’ve accomplished a great feat. I repeat to myself. Done.Not good.
A couple of years ago, I went to Tokyo with my husband, and I ate at the most remarkable sushi restaurant. I don’t even eat fish. I’m vegan. So that tells you how good it was. Even with just vegetables, this sushi was the stuff you dreamed about. The restaurant has six seats. My husband and I marveled at how anyone can make rice so superior to all other rice. We wondered why they didn’t make a bigger restaurant and be the most popular place in town. Our local friends explains to us that all the best restaurants in Tokyo are that small, and do only one type of dish: sushi or tempura or teriyaki. Because they want to do that thing well and beautifully. And it’s not about quantity. It’s about taking pleasure in the perfection and beauty of the particular.
